23. Cancer’s Version of Love
The word love is sometimes mistakenly chosen as an exclusive word for couples only. Boy meets girl, boy meets boy, girl meets girl, & boom they are find LOVE, fall in LOVE, & sometimes fall out of LOVE. The dictionary says the opposite of love is hate. In my crazy opinion the fault lies in the above scenario. Love is everywhere, in every thing we touch, feel, breath, caress, eat, drink, dance. Being alive! Then how can the opposite be hate?
Was fortunate to be a witness to a couple’s wedding registration, attended a lovely summer picknick like “reception” in a public garden. Together with a new found friend, I walked into the garden area, stood there not knowing which direction to go she made a call, carrying my heavy bag & all. I looked around like I’ve just landed from the moon. Been ages since I have been out like this. Suddenly I noticed a young boy, hardly 10 years of age walking straight at me, with another 2 more tagging along behind him reluctantly. He smiled at me, putting out his right hand for a fist bump & ice cream on his left hand. My instinct made me do likewise. I felt like a little kid. I looked at him questionably for his action & he touched his head in reference to mine & did a thumbs up, smiling. The other 2 boys did likewise & they walked away feeling tall with their shoulders high. No spoken words. We were stunned. I felt warm inside me & almost cried. What else can you call that other than care. It still warms my heart whenever I think of it. This definitely equals love.
A very young family friend, who should have better things to do, called me & wanted to bring me food her mother had made, my favourite, “chicken biryani”. She drove all the way to me, didn’t just drop off the food, but sat down to have a good chat with me. She & my daugher were in the same class, now a budding doctor, told me how she actually “received love” from the patients in return to the love she showed them. Her love I guess was her attention to the patients with empathy, kindness, understanding, soft spoken, caring that patients look for when they are sick. We all do even for a minor illness while at home. Anyone remember how some people having a slight fever & headache will lie in bed, moaning as though the whole world is crushing down? She also made it a habit to look up their names. That alone will put a smile on your face. And you give back that love with warmness. I remember that well, apart from mental flirtation, while lying alone many times for biopsies, preparation for an operation, emergency with no one to hold your hand. I felt “welcomed” somehow. Even the nurses’ way of caring is touching. Remember a nurse held my hand once & asked me to imagine it to be anyone’s hand that I wanted to. The loneliness somehow is sponged out of my system & I smiled often. It made me forget my troubles. Call it whatever you want but for crazy me, it is definitely equals love.
You don’t have to hug & kiss in person to show love & care. The regular calls I get from my sisters & brothers to check on me, to cheer me on, to make me not give up, is also derived from care. Time difference makes it difficult but they make the effort, which equals love. Likewise the same friends who calls me for a chat who are not near me. Why should they if not because they care which equals love? Some write me constantly saying they keep me in their prayers. Equals love. Some send me poems, address me in adorable words, just to make me special. Equals love. Some don’t write much but send songs to express their care. Before you go & jump to conclusion, not just ballads but prayer songs too. Equals love. Some are so busy with their work but find time to come by with goodies, invite you over for a meal, go out for a meal, take you shopping, pick you up from the hospital after your chemo in the middle of their work days. Hugs. Finding the time to give that kind of care definitely equals love. Then some send you flowers when you least expect, which must equal love.
My girls, they show their care in ways only they can. I get perfect tea every morning from my little one. Very often, for no reason, she’d suddenly look up from her thumb rolling on Instagram & say “are you alright mum?” I love hearing that. That definitely equals love. My older one, Face times me as often as she can, visits are often fun filled & gives me the precious time to develop a relationship only “ammumas” can with grandchildren. Priceless. And late night Instagram sharing of cooking videos. That equals love.
All the WhatsApp memes I get from all around the world, that too equals love. Also all the encouragements & ‘hearts’ I receive on Instagram not only from families & friends but also from people you don’t know but have become followers. That too equals love. Last but not least, people who you meet randomly in a shop, supermarket, pharmacy etc are all so super nice to me, always asking me for my progress. Say what you want but for me, that care equals love.
Cancer has made me see this side in everyone I come across. I see people & things in different lights. If only cancer doesn’t have to kick & knock me out mercilessly, punch me & deprive me of my own cuisine, rip up my moods that even I can’t stand, violate my body, I would say cancer has it positive side after all. I want to continue believing until someone purposely destroys that belief. No, I think not.….I am me.
I heard the Whispers of people….”we love you”
August 2022