11. Positive Verses Gentle
The novelty of being a cancer victim wears down quickly for some people. That’s when you start to hear how “other people have recovered so quickly; you will be back to normal; you look fine; you don’t seems to have any pain”. I beg you. Being positive, dressing up, and loads of pain killers are the culprits! Am running out of lip sticks. I have no intention to show how this thing called breast cancer can knock me down, and look sick and miserable! I am blessed I am able to smile away my misery.
Breast cancer is individual, and what more with mastectomy and lymph nodes removal. Recovery is individual. There is no one-size-fit-all kind of recovery period. I own my breast cancer. I cannot share my breast cancer with you but I can talk about it. I still have a journey to go. I am trying not only to beat cancer but also to get around the fact that my body has been violated. Please don’t judge me quickly, I may look strong but I am hurting inside. I have pain “attacks”. All kinds of things goes through my head and sometimes all muddled up, not knowing in what order I should be handling each thought. It is no joke when an alien attacks you, right? But I made a conscious decision to stand tall (am rather short though) in the face of breast cancer.
Phew! That was deep! Had to go two more times to get rid of the fluid retention. The first time slightly more than half a litre, the second time half a liter and the third time much less than half a litre. It is going the right way. I always tell the nurse not to show me the needle because I know I would react even before she stick it in. While it drip-drop-drip into the bottle, we chat. I exclaim & swear in English, I talk in Swedish which the nurses find amusing. We laugh, they notice my positive spirit, they like the way I dress up, we discuss the colour of my lip stick, and I even tell them about mental flirtation with dance. They find it hilarious. So grateful to have such wonderful nurses and health careers. Bless them. Whenever I walk out of the cancer division, I am always smiling, even though I am on my own whenever I undergo this treatment. I’m not alone, am I?
Steffi blew my mind with food. She actually made a dish (lamb curry) from my own cook book Cooking My Way, which she nailed it. Babitha’s prawn dish was enough for a dozen people! God knows, these are the acts that I am so thankful for.
It is my choice to be strong; to smile; to be high spirited; to be positive when possible; it is my choice have painted lips in colours that cannot go unnoticed. It is my choice to be happy when I am with you all. I don’t want to be miserable. That’s my survival kit. I love you all for understanding me, for being gentle when you hold my hand in this journey. Thank you for all the love you give…am blessed. Thank you God.
I heard the Whispers of my heart… ”Be gentle when you speak of me”
April 2022