8. The Operation
It was finally here, like it or not. 15 March. I have heard & read about mastectomy, always related to some famous persons in the media. You hear about friends’ friend or someone’s best friend doing likewise but you don’t feel the pain. But here I am, today, going to do exactly that. But I still cannot feel the pain. I was calm.
Got ready, unfortunately no make-up allowed. Me without lipstick! My weakness. Totally dry in every sense of the word. The skin around the nails look like they need TLC and your hands are crying for some cream, and the forthcoming cracks on your heels are on the verge of giving in. And you feel your face and lips are likewise. Damn, how have I become so dependent on all these various creams and what not! I have definitely contributed my share to the TLC industry.
Had a cup of tea listening to Handel’s Largo “Ombra man fu”. I didn’t want to hear anyone’s voice. As I locked the door of my home, for one tiny second, I wished my mum was standing at the door to say “Don’t worry. I’ll pray for you” like she always did a thousand times for everyone, no matter what the situation was. May be she did, silently, that’s why I thought about it for a second there. My friend drove me and dropped me off at the hospital. Sun was shining, cheers you up especially if the weather has been cold and grey. All smiles, checked in at the reception, waited in the separate waiting room for surgery patients. Had time to kill, read every news there was to read on the phone, and then you watch the all reels on IG, until it kills your battery on your phone. Then I heard my name, and got up and sighed and said to myself, “This is it” and went up to the floor where they will change my life. Did I feel lonely walking to the floor where I was prepared for the operation? This was nothing compared to when I had my first miscarriage; I was alone and the pain I had to endure for a long time after, alone. “Almost everyone” had a miscarriage, so no big deal, so I was told. Someone said, you never walk alone because God walks beside you or if you find only one pair of foot prints, it is because he is carrying you. I leave you to debate on this…
They drew lines over my breast and made a joke “we don’t want to take the wrong breast”! When they administered the drug to make me drowsy, I heard voices far away, saying “she’s ready for her anaesthesia” and then I was gone. The next thing I knew was nurses trying to wake me up but hell I was not able to open my eyes. The pain was beyond description. Every time the nurse asked me the level of pain on a scale of 1-10, I cried 10 and was given enough morhpine to fly away. I heard soft music in the room. Or maybe not, it must be the morphine. The opp took place in another hospital (due to lack of operating theatre time in my hospital) and when I was finally ready for transfer to my original hospital/room, I was knocked off. I woke up the next day still feeling drowsy. But I was in a good mood. I’ve done it, that’s all I could think of.
Thank you all who said will keep me in their prayers and those who held me in their thoughts. That’s power!
I heard the Whispers of everyone’s prayers…”you are in our prayers”
March 2022