49. Opperation Recovery

Hate it when you have to say reconstruction of breast & you hear people say, “wow! you get a free boob job”! Change places with me then.

I had no plans to change my freak body with only one breast but other factors played a role.

Breast reconstruction does not mean cancer free for life.

Danced my way home on a Tuesday evening, a week after being in the hospital. My body was cooperating ….Despite the pain & difficulties I will/am encountering, & adapting to being a little invalid by being alone at home, nothing like home sweet home.

After two weeks, two wonderful people came from Ireland, Ann & Sharmini. Together with my angel Natasha, I was in good hands. Thank you for the laughter, though painful, talks & food.

You see, I went in thinking it was a straightforward operation. After declining twice earlier in the year, I had no choice but to do this directly after my vacation. Have been having problems with my overall balance i.e. with one breast hanging in there for life and with one mastectomy. No I couldn’t use the prosthesis because a huge lump high up on where the breast was removed, was being formed. I was told it was probably liquid retention and “body will take care of it”. It sort of gave a “firm breast top” and I got used to going without any removable silicone breast in my bra. It is sticky when it gets hot & hated the idea of adjusting it all the time. Sometimes I would wear it only to remove it while I’m out and about & dump it into my bag! No one could tell I was a freak with only one breast, it was only me who knew it.

The price I paid for that was my balance. I thought I was getting old age sickness with swelling in my legs etc, only to find out that I was actually turning my side with the breast to the middle when I walked or stood. Unbelieveable but a doctor cannot be wrong. I’ve been doing unconsciously that all the while. I was actually giving the spot light to my only dear breast. It was almost like saying, “hey, look I do have a breast!”

Silicone breast implant was suggested but I was not interested at all. No, the glamour of having one silicone breast had lost its Hollywood glory. So after much discussion, it was decided to do a breast reconstruction while removing the lump at the same time, and using fat tissues from my own body. Sounds so simple right. I would get back my balance & left breast would have to share the lime light with the new one!

I went in thinking it was a straightforward operation. After declining twice earlier in the year, I had no choice but to do this directly after my vacation. When I woke up from the operation, I was so knocked out for two days. There were 4 drainage tubes coming out of my body, two beside each breast, two right below my tummy. I was bandaged & a girdle to hold my entire mid-section of my body. I couldn’t see myself so I asked a nurse to do the honour of taking a photo of my tortured body. It looked like a half mummy, all wrapped up. Something out of a horror movie. Halloween? Well, not many would have had the chance to know what it was like being a mummy! Unfortunately, there were no directors nor actors running around, only doctors & nurses who woke me up every two hours to check on me. Such dedication. And took loads of pain killers to be able to sit up & be human. No one came in for an autograph though!

I hate when people say you get a free boob job! Free from what? Pain? Discomfort? Swelling? I would gladly change places with anyone who favours a free boob job. Also, all the complications that comes with it. So, where did they cut to make me look like a mummy? Right across my abdomen (tummy area), my navel, under both my breasts, across one breast to remove the lump, my chest (in-between both the breasts). I would have got an award for best costume at the Academy for sure. Anyway, samples of tissues were sent to the lab, which I am not going to worry about right now.

Now is all about recovery without self-pity. Down time was increased from 2 months to 3 months. Awful because it curtailed my freedom, & forced me to be an invalid. I got into another role, I was walking around hunched so badly while holding my tummy. Can’t recall which character that suited it though in a movie. Hmm…

Going to be that crazy person, lip stick in the morning, mental dancing & flirtation & follow doctors’ orders/advice. There will be loads of “ouch” & swearing both in English & Swedish but every day was a new day on the road to recovery. Each hospital check-up visits will pave the way for me to lay the foundation to walk with two breasts.

I never thought I’d come this far but thank God my fingers are fine so that I can continue writing. Once the result from the lab comes, which by then I would have recovered much more, I’ll write my next chapter. It is my kind of therapy …

Thank you for your continued love, understanding & support. Most of all, thank you for hanging along with my blog.

Huge hugs to all especially my tower of support, my princess Natasha🤗

No one prepares you for every step you take in this journey. No one prepares you to watch your body change. No one prepares you how you feel with the changes.

But I feel GOOD!

I heard the Whispers of “pain” ….“you’ll get through”

Oct 2024