1.Second Call
It is not unsual to get called for a 2nd mammography, had that before, so after two weeks, I took a slow drive back to the hospital, with music blasting in my car. Yes, I am feeling cool, that’s the new me. I have decided to consciously to do things that makes me happy. Tina Turner was singing “The Best” and that has been on repeat even at home. When Natasha gets tired of it, I put on my ear phone and would bounce around the house, making some cool moves.
But no, it was not the torture machine at all. I was going to take a CT scan, but only one breast. I questioned. Nothing to worry about, they were not happy with the result of the mammogram and needed to see more. Sure, fine.
Then they wanted to take some biopsies. Now wait a minute, so there was something alien in my breast! It was a painful process, with me crying, not only because of the pain, but also the fact that I had no one to hold my hand physically. The nurse jumped to my side and said, “I’ll hold your hand and you can pretend me to be anyone”. Then the surgeon asked me to repeat my personal number (ID number) and when I was asked for the third time, I thought I had a tumour in my brain and they were testing to see if I “lost it”. When asked they just wanted to point out that they couldn’t believe my age - looked younger. It made me laugh and cry at the same time. Now that’s was something positive out of this mess!
I would be dumb not to think that it was a matter of time before I get the verdict and my head said that I had cancer while my heart decided to take the Alice in Wonderland syndrome and burry my head in that little rabbit hole. I cried in the car before going home, still driving very slowly, with loud music. Tina Turner stayed with me with her “The Best” all the way home. Called my sister Usha, it was not confirmed the tumours were malignant, she assured me.
Took a deep breath and put some loud music, this time Tina Turner had the company of Edison Lighthouse’s “Love Grows”. I went on dancing until Natasha came home and she politely told me I need to put on the ear phones :-) after 4 repeats. The extreme loud music somehow numbs the thinking part of your brain. You just can’t think but live in that particular song you are listening to.
I was even able to get on with the household chores in record time, by just listening to music on the ear phone. I didn’t walk, I either went on my toes, bounced or just floated. With the words being whispered into my brain…
I heard the Whispers of my heart…”don’t worry”
February 2022